A man- a stranger- called me gorgeous today. This happened while walking to the train station in downtown Portland. It's been a while since a man has gone out of his way to compliment me- years, probably.
In almost every case it's been an African-American man... maybe it's the same guy and I just forget the face? My usual reaction is to scoff at the comment, while unable to stop myself from smiling. Sometimes I say, "Thank you," while at other times, including this particular interaction, I don't say anything at all and continue walking towards my destination. How did the man want me to react? Did he expect a reaction at all? A first thought that goes through my head is, "How sexually degrading."
If a stranger talks about my looks in a place that's dark and secluded, my initial emotion is skin tingling fear and I look around to make sure there is an official guard or policeman nearby, just in case. The comment may be truthful and lighthearted, but it's nonetheless uncalled for. I hadn't ask whether the man thought I was pretty or not. It's intimidating and he could have dangerous motives.
In today's case, this man, who was about my age and looked like another PSU student, and I were in the middle of a crowded urban setting, at the end of the afternoon. I didn't feel threatened.
That's what it comes down to. The danger. Constantly you read in the newspapers and hear on the news how a woman never returned from a quick trip to the supermarket, or how another woman was kidnapped in broad daylight in her own car in a public parking lot. I feel the instinct to take any potential situation seriously.
With all of this under consideration, I still walked away from the scene feeling girlish and flattered.
Maybe you're wondering "Ok Liz, but why did you bring up the fact that he was black?" It's an observation I made that most out-of-the-blue sweet talkers are African-American men, which makes me think it's a cultural thing. In comparison, any white man who has complimented my looks is always fifty years or older, and usually European! Have you had different experiences?
When I got to the train station and the MAX pulled up, I couldn't help but look at myself in the reflection of the train's window. "I am beautiful," I thought to myself. It's good to be reminded.
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I love black men. :)
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time I got blatantly hit on - I was 16 and was at Washington Square Mall after having my hair cut and a black guy came up to me and started chatting. He was probably in his early 20s and kinda cute and he asked me out. I was, of course, ridiculously flattered that someone older and (seemingly) cooler than I would find me attractive. But I was also prudish enough to recognize that dating a 20-year-old at age 16 was probably not a good idea. So I smiled, and thanked him for the compliment, and kindly let him know he was chasing jail bait. :)
But you're not alone. I've found the majority of random compliments (at least, the non-creepy ones) come from black men. I would have to assume it's cultural, but in what way, I'm not sure. John (my boyfriend who is also black) happens to be a very smooth operator. And we hit it off initially because we liked verbally challenging each other. It could be that the focus on the verbal banter in black music and thereby also black culture could be an instigator... It could be a matter of self confidence. It could be a matter of upbringing. I honestly have no idea. But I know that when someone finds me attractive, I definitely get that look-in-the-window admiration of self as well. :)
I get hit on daily at work. I've gotten to the point where I kind of hate it, even though i continue to dress up for work! It's not awful or really disgusting, but it can be kind of disconcerting and I don' always know what to do.
ReplyDeleteI WILL say that I know now that I'm beautiful. I didn't know for a long time. And knowing that fact for sure is really powerful.